Saturday, September 22, 2012

Almost a year has passed since my last entry into what is becoming less of a blog and more of an online record of my thoughts. Honestly there were things I wanted to write about in the last 10 months but a lack of time, and lots of sleep deprivation, prevented me from doing so. I will try to do better in the near future.

So in the last year the political silly season began, ran its course and is now in the home stretch where the two prevailing major party candidates look like marathoner’s: almost ready to pass out with a few miles to go but unwilling to throw in the towel. Will one of them absolutely melt down and fall face first to the pavement in exhaustion? Only time will tell.

Then there is the little issue of a full on anti American uprising in much of what we commonly refer to as the middle east, though most of it is actually in Northern Africa. At least four Americans killed, buildings burned (including one each American embassy, consulate building and school), a Fatwa issued and ongoing rioting consume much of the news every day. During this whole event all I could think about was "They are lucky Ronnie’s not in control." Then it came to me that the press conference would be priceless.

"My fellow Americans, earlier today it was brought to my attention that our embassy in Cairo, Egypt suffered a significant amount of damage, some of it structural, during a local rally. I believe that much of the local population’s displeasure with that building relates to their dislike of the building’s aesthetics, as evidenced by the destruction of our most notable decoration, the American Flag. The exterior and interior paint scheme also seems to have upset a few folks as evidenced by the spray painted slogans and images and attempts to remove the old paint with fire. Therefore, I have ordered that the current embassy compound be completely renovated. In order to accomplish this task as quickly and efficiently as possible, at this very moment the United States Air Force is demolishing the old structures with MOAB "Daisy Cutter" construction equipment to make way for the new, aesthetically pleasing, embassy compound. Of course the government of Egypt will understand that as sovereign United States territory we did not need to ask its permission before beginning this renovation process on United States Soil. I assure you that despite what you may have seen on television, none of the approximately 4,000 people in and on the embassy grounds are United States citizens and, therefore, anyone injured during this construction phase was illegally trespassing onto United States property. I know you share my enthusiasm for the next phase of our embassy renovation project, which will require the United States Army Corps of Engineers, and other Army and Marine"construction support" battalions to safely complete. Rest assured, this portion of American soil will be rebuilt by Americans, for Americans. Good night, and God bless."